Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
It's all I can do at the moment, it's all I've been doing for 39wks now. Waiting to tell Boyf about the baby; waiting to see GP about baby; waiting for appointments; waiting to finsih work; waiting for baby to arrive.
Waiting.
Waiting in for YODEL deliveries that never come.
Waking up each morning wondering if today will be THE day.
Waiting.
Testing my patience every hour of every day.
Lonely.
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
This is real life...
Today has seen me swimming with emotion and tears. Hormones? I doubt it, that universal excuse doesnt wash with me. Stress? Perhaps, but that seems too simple. I just cant juggle all these plates any longer without something getting broken.
I have reached the age where things start going wrong, phone calls from distant friends and relations no longer bring party invites and catch ups, but news of illness or disaster.
This week came news of the first divorce, and people are moving onto their second partners, so things are becoming more "real" not just the stuff of books/magazines/tv.
This is real life.
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
Like the time Eeyore lost his house...
Yesterday afternoon, on my journey home, I was overwhelmed by a wave of inexplicable woe. It was raining too, a persistent mist of fine rain, particular to this area and as the saying goes the kind that gets you properly wet.
It was not the worst day, but it was a bad one. Strangled by red tape, time restrictions and self doubt, I was musing the days events when I crossed the road, skipped over the puddle (win) and landed on a paving slab which hid an ocean of water underneath (fail). Cue one wet leg and sullen face. A fraught bus ride and then home; knowing I had to cook, clean and entertain.
I woke this morning and had forgotten about the woe, but it soon returned. It was waiting for me at my desk like a little yappy dog. Yap Yap Yap all day whilst I struggled to untangle the red tape, and fight my way to home time.
One headache, a small desk weep and a very ranty email later and the day ended better than it started. I did a small win, and managed to process one order. Happy days!
I still have the inexplicable wave of misery lapping at my feet, despite the work related winning, so it's probably not centred on that.
It's disconcerting how it snuck up on me, enveloped me, and nestled in. Comforting and familiar, but uneasy, like a familiar smell that you cant place exactly and can't shake off. It'll take a while but the ol' noggin will work it out eventually.
Adieu
It was not the worst day, but it was a bad one. Strangled by red tape, time restrictions and self doubt, I was musing the days events when I crossed the road, skipped over the puddle (win) and landed on a paving slab which hid an ocean of water underneath (fail). Cue one wet leg and sullen face. A fraught bus ride and then home; knowing I had to cook, clean and entertain.
I woke this morning and had forgotten about the woe, but it soon returned. It was waiting for me at my desk like a little yappy dog. Yap Yap Yap all day whilst I struggled to untangle the red tape, and fight my way to home time.
One headache, a small desk weep and a very ranty email later and the day ended better than it started. I did a small win, and managed to process one order. Happy days!
I still have the inexplicable wave of misery lapping at my feet, despite the work related winning, so it's probably not centred on that.
It's disconcerting how it snuck up on me, enveloped me, and nestled in. Comforting and familiar, but uneasy, like a familiar smell that you cant place exactly and can't shake off. It'll take a while but the ol' noggin will work it out eventually.
Adieu
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